Adulthood.exe Has Crashed

I used to think adulthood was easy, it came with a manual, like I was blessed with a mysterious pdf on my 18th birthday and it had everything, from how to file taxes, how to pick the right health insurance, or how to just deal with quarter-life crisis without spiraling. 

Instead, I got an overwhelming amount of passwords I cannot remember, bills I didn’t ask for, and a devastating sense that everyone is sprinting in their lives while I am still buffering in a corner, trying to remember what day it is … oh, and a backache! (Yes, I am 25)

So here I am. Just a girl with too many books and a borderline romantic relationship with matcha, and a desperate need for people to understand: 

I’m figuring it out, and I’m doing it at my own damn pace. 

I Don’t Want a Life That’s Just Bills and Burnout

I don’t want to work just to pay my bills and scroll Pinterest for a life I'm too tired to build. Sometimes, I just want to buy myself a ridiculously overpriced coconut cream matcha with oat milk and not feel guilty about it.

Sometimes, I just want to sit with my girls, pour a glass of wine and talk about the most unhinged things imaginable. The kind that will put us behind bars if we ever hit the “record” button (the only thing that is holding us back from starting our podcast).

I am a busy woman, not in the traditional sense, but in the “I have emotional spirals, four different languages to learn (my Duolingo streak is at its last breath), and 10 different hobbies to pretend I’m good at” kind of way. Therefore, I am spiritually and mentally booked on weekdays after 8 pm. I am trying to chase peace (and maybe that new limited edition lip oil I saw at Sephora.)

This is what keeps me going, slow moments in life. Soft rebellion. Quiet joy. Not a rigid life, but a kind one. And no, I do not need a checklist to validate that.

So, no, I do not have a 5 year plan, I have a cheap bottle of wine, and a group chat that keeps me alive, grounded, and keeps my minor inconveniences at bay….and my karaoke mic to sing my heart out. And that’s all a girl wants. 

Why Am I Expected to Be So Many Things?

A career woman, a self-care queen (halfway there), a wellness girlie, emotionally thriving, mentally stable, spiritually enlightened, socially active, all at once. 

No, I refuse. 

Call it selfish, call it chaotic, if you must. But I’m not going to burn myself out trying to be the perfectly optimized adult just because someone on LinkedIn thinks “success” looks like waking up at 5 am, running a 10k, meditating everyday, and drinking green juice out of recycled cups. 

Why does being “put together” mean you have to be a hyper-efficient robot? Why do I need to monetize each and every single hobby to make it “worthwhile”? Why do I feel guilty if I rest before I’ve earned it? 

I am allowed to be messy. I am allowed to take up space in this world without being useful 24/7. Let me romanticize my life without optimizing it. Let me exist in this world without branding myself constantly. 

And Don’t Get Me Started On The Man Part

Why is peace only considered valid if you’re sharing it with a man? 

I could be journaling, thriving in therapy, having my sweet treat, unbothered and hydrated, and an agitated voice will still ask, “are you seeing anyone?”

God forbid a woman wants quiet. God forbid she wants solitude. God forbid if she is not actively auditioning men to be the male lead in her life. What if I just want to exist? Alone, softly, joyfully, not lonely but happy and in my lane. 

I’m Not Lost, I’m Just Not In a Rush

Maybe my milestones won’t look like everyone else’s. Maybe I won’t hit the big moments “on time.” Maybe I won’t check them at all, because it was never mine to begin with. 

But that does not mean I’m a late bloomer or I’m falling behind. It means I’m choosing a path that feels good in my body, not just on paper. 

I’m not failing, I’m becoming. 

Slowly, softly, with a lot of chaos, lots of matcha, and an occasional identity crisis in the shower 

Let everyone else sprint if they want to. Let them chase timelines, dinner parties, and milestone moments.

Me? 

I’m taking the long way. The scenic route. The one with stops, detours, deep breaths, emotional plot twists, and solo dates to my favorite cafes. 

And if all I do is grow, gently, quietly, in my own rhythm? 

Then that is adulthood to me. 💫